To Live is Blank, to die is Blank

Hey All,  It's been a long time, for a lot of reasons I have not been able to continue to blog, mostly due to my reasoning on the blogs.  I have been dealing with the Spirit for a long while now, and I believe I'm finally understanding the pattern of my life.  


Christ has been tugging on my heart for a very long time, and sometimes I go towards him, and sometimes I run far away.  Lately it has been the latter of the two.  I have been reading the Gods word regularly for the past six or so months, for answers to my questions about a relationship, and my life and where its heading and so forth, but not really giving my life to God.  Its hard to explain so I'm just going to type what comes to my head.  I have been going through this break up, that has had me wrapped up in thought everyday since the day it happened, by far the worst break up I have ever gone through.  So bad that I told myself that I will never go through another one. (Lord willing)  I have been so consumed in this that I have been thinking about Christ, but I haven't been putting him first.  This person that I am going through this time with has given me more motivation to become closer to Christ then ever, the thing is she shouldn't be my reasoning.  I have been pondering my life for sometime have decided 
(With Gods help, and friends)  that in order for me to be happy in life I need to place God number one.  No a lot of us say that all the time.  " God needs to be number one."  But how many of us actually live that way?  I have recently been studying through Philippians 1, and the very popular verse, Philippians 1:21   "For to ,me, to live is Christ and to die is gain"  Has had me thinking in ways I never thought I would ever think.  There is so much more to life than how I have been living it.  The reason I have been struggling with this verse so much is very easy to understand now.  I have not been living my life according to how Paul had put it in this verse, the verse as it pertains to my life says,  To live is for ME, to die is LOSS.  Take a second and think about that.  Trust me I know its not something easy to swallow, but that's how I have been thinking.  I HAVE BEEN SO WRONG!  There is so much more to our life then to live for ourselves.  When Paul wrote this, I believe he was in jail.  Paul was going through some rough times, like for real and he not only gave God glory, but he knew why he was placed here on earth.  As Christians we are supposed to be living every second of everyday for Christ, yeah that's very hard to do, but not impossible.  We are supposed to be reaching out to the non- believers and sharing the good news about Christ with them!!  No matter your struggles, not matter what happens, our job is to tell others of Christ.  That is our purpose in life.  You may say God is calling me to be  a Doctor, or a Police Officer, or maybe even Porter John Cleaner, which may be the case, but why would he call you to a certain occupation?  Just take a look at where your at now,  and where you think God is calling you to be.  A friend of mine explained to me the other night that where you are now, and where your going to be is just the vessel in which Christ is going to use you.  How AWESOME is that?!  Helping spread the word is what its all about! Think of it this way,  as a Christian, the bad stuff you go through in life,  remember that this world we live in will be the only hell we as believers will ever know!!  But for all the other non- believers this world will be the only heaven they'll ever know...  Yeah tough stuff, but its the truth.  In order to be happy you have to live a God centered holy life, don't try the other way around.  Trust me it won't work.  I have more hope for the problem area I'm in now after coming to these conclusions.  I hope everyone who reads this benefits from this.  I am praying for y'all, please do the same for me, and remember Live out loud for Christ!

Don't Worry Be Happy

Why do we worry?  It could always be way worse than it is.  Ask Job.  He lost everything and still praised God until his last breath. Or Ezekiel?  He had to lay on his side for I believe it was 390 days, and eat bread that was cooked over poop.  Yes poop. ( I love that word by the way.)  Yeah I understand that is not always easy, but its what we are dealt.  Maybe you feel like the issues in life that you are going through may be to much for you, life isn't fair to you.  That is a pretty selfish thought, my proof  comes from Paul in his first letter he wrote to the Corinthians.  He specifically states " No temptation has seized you EXCEPT what is common to man, and God is faithful and he will NOT let you be tempted beyond what you can stand, but WHEN (not if) WHEN you are he will provide a way out. 1st Corinthians 10:13  What a great verse to know, especially in the times we are in now.  All this horrible stuff that is happening in the world, how could it get any worse you may ask?  Do me a favor don't ask that.  God has everything in control.  " No matter what happens, it could always be worse." We have no reason to fear anything.  He is everything we need.  And I'm not trying to preach, trust me I struggle with a lot of things.  In my life, God has definitely "Gave and taken away."  What I have a hard time excepting is that he makes all things (good or bad) work together for his good.  I'm am going through a hard time in my life right now, but I am so thankful for the change that it has brought.  If what has happened in my life, not happened I wouldn't be as close to God as I am now.  I wouldn't have the friends I have now, I wouldn't have the accountability that I have now.  And I wouldn't have been seeking Christ daily as I am now.  God is definitely in control of my life.  And let me tell you, its a lot less stressful.  Sure I still have those moments where I'm worried that God isn't there, but thats when I pick up Gods word, call a Christian friend, and seek Christ even more.  He will show himself to you when you seek him.  Matthew 18:19-20 ( One of my favorite verses) Says that, "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my father in heaven, for where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them."  God is in control, quit running from, and run towards him.  He has his arms stretched out wide waiting for you.  In the words of one of my  favorite artist "Don't Worry, Be Happy"
Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Following to lead

I was in a relationship with the  Love of my life for the better part of 4 years.  We are going through a break up, due to the fact that I was a horrible example of a "Spiritual Leader."  When we were dating I assumed as a "spiritual leader" you have to make sure you made good choices with your significant other, make it look like you know what your talking about if the topic of Christ came up, and read the Bible every so often, and make it seem like your the ideal guy when around her friends and family.  Thats what I believed it was,  all just a persona you make up, so you look good.  I called it the " Biblical Daniel."  My girl friend loved this version of me.  There were many persona's I had for my life, that I could without hesitation flip any of them on, in whatever situation I was in.  I was really good, at being untruthful with the people I cared about, and I didn't seem to care about hurting the people I love.  

I became completely complacent with my life and the people in it.  I just knew that she was going to be around, no matter what I did, or said, or didn't say.  I valued her over my relationship with Christ, I held her over him, and the bad thing is she didn't seem to have much value in my life as it was.  I knew I wasn't being a very good boyfriend, or "spiritual leader" to her, but I couldn't figure out why I was having so much trouble with it.  I couldn't tell you how many times I prayed and ask God to help me with it, but God doesn't usually steer parked cars.  I had the want, but not the drive to do what I had to do.  I enjoyed living of the world, and acting the part of a model Christian boyfriend, when I thought I needed to impress others, or get out of a fight with her.  

When She decided that she was over the bull crap I was putting her through the hurt and untruthfulness she had fallen into with me I had no idea what to do.  I was angry and hurt.  I wanted so badly to just run away from everything and do what I want.  What I didn't realize is that God had an even bigger and better plan for me and my life.  I was at my lowest of lows, I was trying to talk her back into a relationship with me, (using Biblical Daniel of course) but nothing was working.  I didn't know what to do?  I was confused, so I did the thing I figured I had been needing to do the whole time.  I ran to God.  Ran to God?  There are more reasons as to why we are having the break up we are in now, we weren't living according to God, we held each other higher than Him, and I had been lying to her about something for a long time.  It was time for a change.  God didn't bring this upon me, but he definitely allowed it to happen, to fix the extremely sinful life I was living.  

I didn't know what to do, my best friend, and girlfriend weren't around anymore, I felt alone.  I got down and prayed, I prayed hard.  "God what do I do!?" 

Not only did Christ hear my prayers, he also has answered them with obvious answers.  I have set up great accountability with a couple of awesome guys.  Guys I probably would never talk to due to my arrogance before.  They have been there for me ever since I asked them for spiritual help.  The hardly knew me and still grabbed me up with loving arms.  I can always expect a text message from them, asking if I had spent time with my Christ, and they expect the same.  I am in Gods word daily, it is in fact " My game plan for life" and it feels good to want and strive to read, and pray and spend time with him.  God has used me to help a couple of my other friends with there walk with him, and its awesome.  I love where I am at with Christ, and he is definitely training me to become the " Spiritual Leader" I need to be.  I am finally living my life as a Man of God.

 I am still completely in love with the same girl, and praying that God will one day allow us to give it another shot, but that is not my main focus, God is finally the center of my life.  So when you hear the title "Spiritual Leader" what does it mean to you?  I'll tell you what I think it means.  God wants you to follow him, so you can lead them. 

 So Father, give me the strength,To be everything I'm called to be,Oh, Father, show me the way, To lead them, Won't You lead me?, To lead them with strong hands, To stand up when they can't, Don't want to leave them hungry for love, Chasing things that I could give up, I'll show them I'm willing to fight, And give them the best of my life, So we can call this our home, Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.- Matt Hammit- Lead Singer of Sanctus Real

God bless, thanks for reading!