I was in a relationship with the Love of my life for the better part of 4 years. We are going through a break up, due to the fact that I was a horrible example of a "Spiritual Leader." When we were dating I assumed as a "spiritual leader" you have to make sure you made good choices with your significant other, make it look like you know what your talking about if the topic of Christ came up, and read the Bible every so often, and make it seem like your the ideal guy when around her friends and family. Thats what I believed it was, all just a persona you make up, so you look good. I called it the " Biblical Daniel." My girl friend loved this version of me. There were many persona's I had for my life, that I could without hesitation flip any of them on, in whatever situation I was in. I was really good, at being untruthful with the people I cared about, and I didn't seem to care about hurting the people I love.
I became completely complacent with my life and the people in it. I just knew that she was going to be around, no matter what I did, or said, or didn't say. I valued her over my relationship with Christ, I held her over him, and the bad thing is she didn't seem to have much value in my life as it was. I knew I wasn't being a very good boyfriend, or "spiritual leader" to her, but I couldn't figure out why I was having so much trouble with it. I couldn't tell you how many times I prayed and ask God to help me with it, but God doesn't usually steer parked cars. I had the want, but not the drive to do what I had to do. I enjoyed living of the world, and acting the part of a model Christian boyfriend, when I thought I needed to impress others, or get out of a fight with her.
When She decided that she was over the bull crap I was putting her through the hurt and untruthfulness she had fallen into with me I had no idea what to do. I was angry and hurt. I wanted so badly to just run away from everything and do what I want. What I didn't realize is that God had an even bigger and better plan for me and my life. I was at my lowest of lows, I was trying to talk her back into a relationship with me, (using Biblical Daniel of course) but nothing was working. I didn't know what to do? I was confused, so I did the thing I figured I had been needing to do the whole time. I ran to God. Ran to God? There are more reasons as to why we are having the break up we are in now, we weren't living according to God, we held each other higher than Him, and I had been lying to her about something for a long time. It was time for a change. God didn't bring this upon me, but he definitely allowed it to happen, to fix the extremely sinful life I was living.
I didn't know what to do, my best friend, and girlfriend weren't around anymore, I felt alone. I got down and prayed, I prayed hard. "God what do I do!?"
Not only did Christ hear my prayers, he also has answered them with obvious answers. I have set up great accountability with a couple of awesome guys. Guys I probably would never talk to due to my arrogance before. They have been there for me ever since I asked them for spiritual help. The hardly knew me and still grabbed me up with loving arms. I can always expect a text message from them, asking if I had spent time with my Christ, and they expect the same. I am in Gods word daily, it is in fact " My game plan for life" and it feels good to want and strive to read, and pray and spend time with him. God has used me to help a couple of my other friends with there walk with him, and its awesome. I love where I am at with Christ, and he is definitely training me to become the " Spiritual Leader" I need to be. I am finally living my life as a Man of God.
I am still completely in love with the same girl, and praying that God will one day allow us to give it another shot, but that is not my main focus, God is finally the center of my life. So when you hear the title "Spiritual Leader" what does it mean to you? I'll tell you what I think it means. God wants you to follow him, so you can lead them.
So Father, give me the strength,To be everything I'm called to be,Oh, Father, show me the way, To lead them, Won't You lead me?, To lead them with strong hands, To stand up when they can't, Don't want to leave them hungry for love, Chasing things that I could give up, I'll show them I'm willing to fight, And give them the best of my life, So we can call this our home, Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.- Matt Hammit- Lead Singer of Sanctus Real
God bless, thanks for reading!
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